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No matter what….

09/20/2012 - Author: Jennifer - 13 Comments

Maybe because my days of riding the baby train are coming to a close soon, but someone has come to my mind recently.

In November 2008, the day before Thanksgiving, my husband Matt and I had learned that we were pregnant. We were shocked and excited. We told family our parents and siblings the next day. We could NOT keep this to ourselves!

Right away, I made a doctor’s appointment. They scheduled it the next month the day before my husband’s birthday. What a gift!

I am, by nature, a pessimist. I know it doesn’t help anybody or any situation, but I try to guard my heart against disappointment. So, leading up to ultrasound, I was nervous and felt like something was wrong. Everyone said I was wrong. When the doctor started the Ultrasound, I knew. We had lost our 1st baby.
It was devastating. No heartbeat. My fears were right. I wanted to be wrong. Hoping for a miracle, they did another Ultrasound on New Year’s Eve. I felt pregnant–still really tired and sick, but our miracle was not to be ours yet. It was confirmed that our 1st baby had no heartbeat. We did everything right. This wasn’t supposed to happen. That was the hardest Holiday Season for us–the death of our baby and the birth of our Savior. I am not saying it would have been easier at Easter, but we certainly we not in celebratory moods.

This was one of the hardest things in our marriage. I needed comfort, but so did my husband. We didn’t know how to help each other. Nobody knew how to act or what to say, mainly out of fear. Fear of saying something inappropriate or fear of me breaking down.

I have been taught some valuable lessons.

  • You can love someone, and mourn someone, you have never met
  • No matter what the situation, God’s value does NOT change. Good times, bad times, God is God.  It is strange—I was mad at Him, but I also needed His comfort, love, and healing that only He can give. His Word in Matthew 5:4 says God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
  • I felt the comfort of prayers. When a co-worker said that she was praying for me, I knew it! I felt comfort that could come from nobody and nowhere else.
  • Talk! It doesn’t have to be long conversations. It can be short talks. Please, ask if they need anything or nervous about their D&C. It shows you care. If they don’t want to talk about it, they will tell you.
  • If you know person well enough, send a card, letter, flowers, etc. They did just lose a loved one.
  • Ladies, ask what your husband needs. Men, hang on because hormones are HORRIBLE right now.
  • I can’t blame myself. We live in a human/imperfect world. Our bodies are not perfect and bad things happen to them that are not always our fault.

I am happy to say, I now have a son who is GREAT!! When asked, I have said that he is our firstborn. Those who have lost a child know what I am saying. We have one in heaven waiting for us. He or she has had the privilege of having the arms of our Heavenly Father wrapped around them. Yes, I wanted to first, but that baby is very blessed and I as a mom have one child that I do not worry about :)They are being taken very good care of.I would love to hear your thoughts. Have you gone through a rough time? How did God or others come through for you?

Be blessed:)

Categories: Uncategorized

Discussion (13 Comments)

  1. I'm so sorry Jen. It's often a silent battle in the lives of so many women. My sharing your heart, God's love, grave, and ultimate comfort shine for so many to see. Give that boy a hug!!

  2. I do hope it helps others. Thanks for stopping by! Be blessed:)

  3. Bless you, dear friend. Great words of wisdom here!! Thank you for making yourself vulnerable.

  4. Oh wow, Jen! That’s such a difficult thing to walk through! Been there and know how a mamma’s heart hurts in a silence others don’t understand. So thankful for your willingness to share it to minister to those who may be experiencing the pain of a recent loss.

    • I am sorry Stephanie that you know what it is like. I do hope it helps others. Thank you so much for stopping by and be blessed:)

  5. by Bethany

    Thank you for being so transparent! I too know the shear agony of watching others carry babies out of the hospital while being wheeled out empty handed. I clung to the song “Held.” I loved when you said, “at least there is one I know that is being taken care of…” each Christmas we hang her ornament and tell the kids her story and how she is waiting for them with Jesus.

    • I am sorry you know the pain. I hated having empty arms. I agree that the song “Held” can be a big help. Thank you for stopping by and be blessed:)

  6. […] This situation makes me see my need, as a mom, to rely on God. It reminds me, again, that I can not do this alone. For the good times and the times that frustrate me, I need to again, go to God. I need to thank and praise Him, because He is the same, no matter what! […]

  7. So sorry to hear about the loss of your first baby. And so thankful you are willing to share your wonderful insights to help others. I, too, lost my first baby through miscarriage–and four others–but I now have four beautiful children who are all in double digits. I still miss my unborn children, but the pain does lessen. And, although we don’t always feel it, God is good-always! Blessings.

    • I agree that the pain does lessen. So grateful that we both have babies with us here on earth. Thank you so much for stopping by and be blessed:)

  8. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. We, too, lost a baby before we got to hold her in our arms. I often picture her on Jesus’ lap and think about the day I’ll finally meet her in Heaven. Thanks for sharing such wise words for those of us who have little ones we ache for.

    • I am sorry also for your loss. I aslo think about meeting the one we loss in Heaven. Thank you for stopping by and be blessed:)

  9. […] ( Psalm 116:2) I struggle sometimes worshipping God simply for who He is. I forget that His value doesn’t change. I don’t like my circumstances right now, but that shouldn’t matter. God is God and […]

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