The Big Picture12/05/2012 - Author: Jennifer - 1 Comment
I know that the Holidays are supposed to be a time to celebrate. Yes, there are things that I am thankful for. Yes, I am grateful for my Savior’s birth BUT: I feel like I am drowning. I feel overwhelmed. My son is delayed in speech. As someone who likes to converse with people, this is so hard. I feel like asking~~God, what are You doing? Building character? Closer and stronger relationship with You?
However, I am such a selfish, narrow-minded person. I am pessimistic by choice (I really do think that it is a choice).I will be honest — I have felt too discouraged to ask God for healing for my son anymore. I mean, Paul had a thorn in his side that God thought was best for Paul to have. (2Corinthians 12:1-10) He could have taken it, but chose not to. Paul learned that God’s grace is all he needed. Is that what God is teaching me? All I need is His grace? So why doesn’t it feel like enough? I want healing for my son. I want to not feel like I am flailing and God isn’t helping. I pray that I FEEL God’s presence. I know He is with me, but there are a lot of times that I still feel alone.
Recently, I have been so focused on the hardships that we are going through that I am missing the goodness around me. The boring, mundane stuff. All I can see now is how my son is very strong-willed and wonder if he will ever listen. BUT: then I thank God He trusts me with my son. God thinks I can do this.
I heard my husband telling our son that he had to obey mommy, even when you don’t understand.
That got me thinking–isn’t that the Christian walk? Isn’t that what it is all about? Walking in faith?
There are times when I don’t understand (and don’t like) where God is leading me, where He wants me.
Like my husband said–you don’t have to understand to obey. There it is~~trust. Like the old hymn says: Trust and obey. Be happy in Jesus.