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Afraid

02/01/2013 - Author: Jennifer - 33 Comments

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker over at Tales from a Gypsy Mama gives us a word and a challenge. To write for 5 minutes without abandon. It is fun and I encourage you to try it. Here we go! The word is…

AFRAID

The fear never stops. I tell myself–once we reach this milestone or that milestone, then I can stop being afraid. I am so grateful when we reach milestones as my son is growing, but I am afraid that he will not reach all of them. I am afraid that life will be a lot harder for him than I thought. I am afraid that I will fail. I will fail as a mom and he will not reach his full potential.

I hate that I have anxiety. Honestly, I am afraid to stop being afraid–like I let my guard down and make myself vulnerable to failure and heartache. I feel like being afraid keeps me on my toes, but it doesn’t. When I am afraid, it steals of joy and making memories with my son. That leads me to wonder if he knows I love him. Does he know how much I love him and I hope he doesn’t see my fear, but sees love.

Five Minute Friday

Categories: Uncategorized

Discussion (33 Comments)

  1. Wow! I can totally relate.
    I bet you are doing a great job as a mama. 🙂
    I am reading a great book that is helping me to work through my fear of failure as a mom. It’s called Desperate by Sarah Mae & Sally Clarkson.
    Blessings to you! Hold on to grace.
    Ashley 🙂

    • Thank you Ashley! I have not read that book yet, but it is on my list. I am so grateful you stopped by. Be blessed:)

  2. I absolutely get the being afraid to not being afraid. My son has autism and I tell you – I am afraid every day I watch him walk off to school. Its been like this since he was in first grade and he’s in sixth now. Don’t even start talking to me about junior high but… underneath it all… I know to pray. Its the best I can do. I am grateful you were so authentic in your post. Made me feel less afraid about writing openly about being afraid. :~) if that makes any sense.

    • Thank you Julie for your encouragement. I agree about praying–all we can do. Your son is fortunate to have you for his mom! Be blessed:)

  3. Thank you for sharing your mama heart. I think it is beautiful. We all wrestle with fear as moms in different ways. But when your child has special needs, I think that ramps it up because what mom wouldn’t want the absolute best for their child? What mom wouldn’t worry at all that their child had every opportunity? Every joy? The problem is it doesn’t matter if your guard is up or down, we are all vulnerable to failure and heartache and only one who can comfort and give peace. Praying for you heart tonight, friend. For peace for you and your beautiful child. I think your son will know and see how very much you love him. It’s pretty evident for all of us. 😉

    • Thank you Alia for stopping by! You encouraged me so much. Be blessed:)

  4. Ohhh my goodness . . . how many of us moms are wrapped up in this fear and anxiety! God appointed YOU specifically to be the mama of that precious child and no one else can do a better job than you! Just like we are God’s beloved daughters, you are beloved to your child. Satan certainly tries to defeat us in this area of mothering. We need to get him to RUN! Blessings dear one!

    • Thank you so much for your encouraging words. So thankful you stopped by and be blessed:)

  5. Spoken like a true mama! We all have fears concerning our children. It’s hard to let go and trust God with them, even though deep down we know He is the only One we can trust with them, even beyond ourselves. Have a blessed weekend.

    • Thank you Barbie for letting me know I am not alone! Thank you for stopping by and be blessed:)

  6. oh fear is such a terrible taskmaster, isn’t it … I love that Christ, not being afraid, is what truly defines us …

  7. Thanks for being so open and honest. Grateful for the encouragement these other ladies have provided but I will continue to pray for peace for your heart to know you are the best mom for your sweet boy. I am very interested in reading desperate and was thinking it would be a good study to do..maybe through Lifepoint? let me know if you would be open to doing that maybe this Spring? Hope you have a peaceful, relaxing weekend!

    • Amanda–you bless me! I don’t know about the study–something to think and pray on. I am so glad you stopped by. Be blessed:)

  8. “When I am afraid, it steals of joy and making memories with my son.” Shortly after my son was born, I couldn’t believe how quickly I fell into the comparison trap. I didn’t fear he wouldn’t “measure up”. I feared he wouldn’t excel far beyond what others expected. Mothering became more of a chore that a treasure. Finally, I sat back and surrendered him to HIM. This surrender happens often as I change and as he changes. Joy abounds where there was once anxiety and fear.
    Thank you for your transparency:)

    • Thank you Stefanie! I am glad I am not alone in this struggle! So glad you stopped by and be blessed:)

  9. by amyctilson
    Reply

    Sweet Jen, I pray you find new courage, strength, boldness and trust through calling out this fear. When we name out loud that thing that teats us down it loses so much power. This is a fierce love you have and God is good all the time, it’s impossible for him to be otherwise. Our frail state often makes that goodness hard to bear. Lifting up your arms today for you.

  10. I’ve been thinking about you and praying for you this week. So I was glad to see your early post. So hard to be a mama. Afraid to not be afraid, that it will lead to your son not getting the best. I can definitely relate, I wouldn’t be surprised if all mom’s do. How can I both relax in God and still do my best? I haven’t mastered this yet. I hope all these comments give you courage and encouragement.

    • Thank you so much for your prayers! I appreciate them more than I can express! I have prayed for your family. Thank you so much for stopping by and be blessed:)

  11. So sweet!! I can relate, if you let your guard down, I know how you feel. I can see how much you love him and I am sure he sees and feels your love. Thank you for being so honest, mothering is so hard!! Love you

    • Oh yeah–mothering is hard, but I do love it! So glad you stopped by and be blessed:)

  12. Ah yes… Fear takes on a whole different twist when we are Mama’s! Loved this honest post and love how we can see just in this short five minute post how much you love your son! I am betting that he is well aware of how much you love him!

    • Thank you Karrilee! I appreciate you stopping by and have words of encouragement! Be blessed:)

  13. I think you stole the words right out of my head (and heart). I have a son as well….and the same fears. Thanks for sharing, it was very honest and heartfelt.

  14. Hello, I am stopping in from Lisa Jo’s FMF link up. I have battled anxiety for years. I have had anxiety over not feeling anxiety. The words you write about the fear of reaching the next milestone, oh how I have been there. My son is 11 now. He knows he is loved, and sometimes even tells me that he loves me and he knows I”m just a little “silly” when I “worry too much”. LOL. The Lord has really used this last year to reveal to me my fears, and how I have to really give them to Him so that I can be free to love without so much fear. What a JOURNEY! Anyway, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading this, because it speaks to me because I have lived it, and some days, still live it. God is always there though, and always waiting to take those fears. ^_^ Happy Friday!

    • Thank you for your comment! Out of the mouth of babes– I”m just a little “silly” when I “worry too much” That is great! Thank you so much for stopping by and be blessed:)

  15. Hi there. I found you from Lisa-Jo’s link up. I could see myself right in the middle of your post. You had me at “I feel like being afraid keeps me on my toes, but it doesn’t.” Instead it steals our joy. That’s so true. Well, you just keep loving on your precious little one and don’t let fear steal that joy. What a great post. Thanks for sharing your heart.

    • Thank you for your comment and for stopping by letting me know that I am not alone. Be blessed:)

  16. Love this idea of taking one word and just writing without abandon. I, too, get anxious and wish I didn’t because I know better. I know that worrying will not add one single hair to my head. And I have nothing to worry about. That’s the odd thing…and yet, I continue to allow that to creep in every now and again because it seems to come so naturally.

    • Fawn–you should do 5Minute Friday! I love to read it! Thank you for stopping by and be blessed:)

  17. Dear Jen,
    I can so relate to the anxiety related to parenting..Is your son’s runny nose any better?
    Praying we can both give God our anxiety and let Him give us His peace…it is a daily struggle for me…

    blessings to you 🙂

    • Glad I am not alone! Nose is still runny, but I don’t know if it will go away until we get warmer weather. Thank you so much for stopping by and be blessed:)

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