Lessons From Rest Time06/27/2013 - Author: Jennifer - 6 Comments
Yesterday, was a bad day at our home. I feel like I don’t have many good ones. I fail so often as a mom. Yesterday, I felt like a failure. I yelled at my son. Yes, he was being disobedient and I feel like I don’t know what to do when time-outs don’t work and his strong-willed soon-to-be 3 year old self fights me ALL.THE.TIME. These are days I feel like there are lessons God wants me to learn, and I am missing it. Maybe it is patience. Maybe it is love. Maybe it is don’t give up because my son needs boundaries and he is counting on me.
Well, after the fight for rest time (yeah, we didn’t rest during that time), I was scared and exasperated. I mean–what else can I do? I really don’t like fighting and I especially don’t like fighting with my son. It gets more exhausting since he doesn’t talk and can’t communicate what is wrong, what he is thinking, what he wants, needs, etc. I had to walk away to the living room.
When I got to the living room, I laid down on the couch and declared that mommy needs rest time. Then, I saw a glimpse of love, sorrow, and maybe fear from him. My son came over, asked to get up, and laid down with me. He looked at me like he was hoping I still loved him. He put his little hand on my face. I felt like he was asking me if he was good enough. I don’t know honestly–I really wish he would talk. Does he understand when I apologize? Does he get it when I say I love you, even when it is said right after a time-out? Does he start to obey because I am breaking his spirit, or because it is the right thing to do?
The fight had left him exhausted and he fell asleep on me. We got our rest time, but that didn’t make me feel victorious. I don’t deserve to be his mom. It doesn’t seem fair that I am learning lessons from this awesome little dude, but I thank God that I can be his mom. I am learning to receive grace so much better than I have, and to give grace better than I have.
When my little man forgave me, it reminded me of how much more God forgives me. He sees all of it, and still chooses to love me. Wow! What a gift. What a blessing. What a lesson I need to receive and put into practice.
Motherhood is humbling, scary, fabulous, and so much more. Let’s not do this alone. Let’s be brave with our honesty and encourage each other on this journey.
Thank You God for lessons You are teaching me. Please, heal where I have caused hurt to my son and those I love. Please help me to shine Your light better today than yesterday. Where I am weak, fill in the blanks and fill me. All I have is Yours and Yours to use. Thank You for letting me be your vessel. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Linking-up over at Hope for the Weary Mom today.