A Secret I wish I knew before I Married01/05/2014 - Author: Jennifer - 14 Comments
I was debating and procrastinating about writing this. I mean, my husband Matt and I are going through one of our hardest seasons in our marriage and attending counseling. I felt like I would be a fraud writing for this. I struggled with wanting to be a part of this so I could feel like I was “fitting in” or one of the “cool kids”. I wonder if wives really want to read what I have to say? I feel unworthy and not-equipped, but the truth is….I am still happy being Matt’s wife.
If there was just one secret I would like wives to know is to remember that your husband is human, and a sinner, just.like.you. He will disappoint you when he fails. You can not depend on your husband to make you happy. Yup. He can’t do it. Nobody can. If you would have told me that any of this would of been me before I married, I would not have believed you. As a newlywed, I would have politely nodded, smiled, and said “whatever’ in my mind. (You can say that marriage has humbled me). I was so disappointed, and honestly, confused, when Matt made me so mad. I would blame him for my unhappiness. Yes, sometimes he was the cause and there are times I have made him unhappy, but to put that kind of pressure on him was wrong.
You are not perfect and you need to not expect your husband to be. He will fail. You will too. Learn, grow, and love through it all. I am not saying to make excuses, but don’t place each other on a pedestal. If you expect perfection, you will be disappointed. There have been times when Matt and I have had to choose happiness instead of discontentment.
I am still happier being a wife than when I was single, even though Matt and I are crawling our way out of the trenches. We have had to not heap guilt on each other, but instead offer grace. I would still do it again. Marriage has made me more selfless and has grown me as a woman. I am more empathetic and more sympathetic. Yes, women can grow in those ways without being a wife, but I feel that this is the path God laid out for me, so I am trying to be obedient to what He wants me do. I believe that being obedient to God by staying in my marriage is why I am still a happy wife.
Marriage is hard, but I do believe that it was designed by God. He didn’t say it would be easy, and I don’t think that His original design for anything was to be hard, but we have sin. If marriage (or anything really) was easy, He would not be needed in my life. Since He designed marriage, I am going to try and let Him keep doing what designers do–make things beautiful.
PS–Fawn from Happy Wives Club wrote a book and I am so excited for my copy to get here! Check it out!