The V Word09/04/2014 - Author: Jennifer - 6 Comments
I recently read an article where the writer had talked about her regrets over not having sex before she was married. Not only did she have regrets, but she had guilt on her honeymoon. As I was reading it, I felt sad for her, and there were a couple of other things that stood out to me.
She said she lost her virginity when she got married. I was a virgin when I got married, but I didn’t lose my virginity–I gave it to my husband. I considered it a gift to him. I can honestly say that I feel that Matt’s virginity is the best gift he gave me. He saved it for me, and I for him. What an honor. When you lose something, you want it back. You can say I surrendered my virginity on my honeymoon.
She had guilt. Ok, this one I could almost relate to. If I didn’t have a friend to talk to before I was married, I would probably have felt guilty also. I can understand that churches will put the fear of God in you with the purity pledges and whatever else they scare you with. I don’t think churches emphasize emotional bonding that comes with sex–that you leave a piece of yourself with every sexual partner. I felt sad for the writer because instead of having one of the most amazing, once-in-a-lifetime bonding experiences with her husband, instead she felt only guilt about losing her virginity.
I was raised in church and I feel like I was given the myth that you will have a perfect marriage if you both are virgins. If you don’t have sex until you are married, then you will have an amazing marriage. Yes, my husband and I were both virgins when we married. Does that mean we didn’t have issues? No. Does that mean we had the best sex ever on our honeymoon? Well, I guess, but only because we didn’t have sex before. What am I most grateful for? That my performance isn’t compared to anyone else. It is hard enough to deal with my husband’s porn addiction and all that comes with it. I am so glad I don’t have a real experience to compete with.
She said she would of had sex when her husband was her boyfriend, if she could do it all over again. I would be surprised if she didn’t have guilt then. Her source of guilt is not being a virgin until she was married. She felt guilty because she was caught up in the rules of the church. Being a virgin when you get married is not your ticket to heaven and not being a virgin when you are married does not send you to hell. Not having a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus sends you to hell.
I don’t known if churches today talk about sex or not. I do know that sex does not seem to be not a big deal in church today. What do I mean by that? A lot of people in the church are having casual sex. I don’t get it. How.do.you.have.casual.sex? How do you treat sex like it is no big deal instead of a gift? This makes me sad.
I have no regrets about saving my virginity for my husband. I don’t think that makes me a better Jesus follower. In the end, being a virgin when you get married has benefits, but it should not become an idol.
Anyway, just some of my thoughts from an article.