Transition09/26/2014 - Author: Jennifer - 8 Comments
Recently, I have closed a chapter in my life and I am excited about that. I also believe that another chapter in my life is closing (and has been for awhile and I just didn’t want to admit it) but this closing makes me sad. I am almost in tears, but I don’t honestly see a need to keep that chapter open anymore. I don’t feel that I can do it–that I am not made to do it anymore.
After dropping my son off at daycare, I asked God why can’t I do it all? Why can’t I be more organized? Why can’t I be more disciplined? I read where these women seem to be able to do it all and I just don’t get it. They seem to be making an impact and I am jealous. I know that jealousy is a sin, so can you pray for me please?
So I need to ask God some questions:
- What is next? I just want to be obedient (I think).
- Did I miss what God wanted for me due to disobedience and selfishness?
- Where do we go from here?
- Has my whining and complaining caused my husband and I to miss where God wants us? I would like to think God is using me to help guide Matt, but honestly, I think I am a distraction. We should work together to lead others to Jesus, but I am pulling us away and apart. I am not a good example for our son.
I know there is a verse about asking and receiving (Mt. 7:7) but, as my husband reminded me, you have to pray. It isn’t that I haven’t asked God about some of these things before, but maybe I need to get over jealousy, inadequacy, and being hurt by folks before there is clarity. Maybe I need to pray more and, as my pastor has said, have more focused prayers.
I am grateful He still wants to use me. Use us. My mind is a jumbled mess. Will you pray for us? Pray for clarity, contentment, patience and anything else we need?
Be blessed 🙂
Side note–I know that this post might be vague, and for that I am sorry. I hate vague posts, but I am trying to cut down on whining.