Menu

Categories

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 30 other subscribers

Blogs I Recommend

Where Else You Can Find Me

  • Unveiled Wife Contributor

© 2012 Purple Buoy - All rights reserved.

Firstyme WordPress Theme.
Designed by Charlie Asemota.

Learning to Fight

06/24/2015 - Author: Jennifer

This month, Matt and I will be celebrating 13 years of marriage. This is the first year that I have a goal. My goal is to fight correctly with my husband. Yup. Some background.

My husband and I were having an argument that I can’t remember about what. During it, I said that we don’t even want common ground, each of us just want to be right. Then my husband said “let’s fix that.” People, that shut me up. I can’t believe that this man actually wants to do this.

I have to be honest–I don’t know how or what that looks like in my marriage. It is sad. I won’t lie–it has broken me a little (a lot). Our arguments/fights are about proving who is right and no compromise. We don’t try to find even ground.

IMG_20140503_184239In the past, with our misguidance and misrepresentations about submission (that is another post for another time) and leadership in the home, what Matt wanted is what we did. If he thought it was right, we did it. Let me tell you, it is a hard place to be. I don’t have a lot of confidence. I don’t have trust in him (due to other things). I feel low. I know, I know, only I can make myself feel this way, but when you don’t have anyone telling you different and the person you love and vowed to stay married to for better or for worse treats you and your opinions like they don’t matter, well, a huge part of me died. It also doesn’t help when he has people who support him. (I am not kidding).

Sure, my husband is book intelligent, so yeah, he has smarts and knows stuff. Guess what? So do I and I crave for him to acknowledge when I am right or that I am better at some things than he is.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want him to keep opinions to himself or crush his ideas. Sometimes, they are great and helpful. I don’t want my marriage to be a dictatorship. I want there to be equality. There needs to be reconciliation.

How do we fight towards a solution? For us, I think it starts with being open-minded. I also need to believe the best of Matt. I need to choose to believe that he isn’t always being selfish, and that he really wants resolution or what is best.

So that is my goal for this year (and all of the years after). To learn to fight, but not because I think that I am right, but to come to an understanding. For Matt and I to be on the same page and not do battle to prove who is right.

Be blessed 🙂

1 Comment - Categories: Uncategorized

My Son Noticed This

06/04/2015 - Author: Jennifer

IMG_20150522_084738Yesterday, I made a smile face with my blueberries on my waffle. My 4 year old said a smile like you mommy. That comment made me smile. I was elated. I never could have imagined that this would be a conversation me and my son would have.

When my son was an infant, I did not laugh a lot. I did not realize this until one day my laugh scared him. I was watching something funny and I laughed out loud. My poor son (around 6 months old) reacted by having a scared look on his face and even jumped a little. My laugh was a foreign sound to him. It made me sad. I knew that motherhood wasn’t always going to be fun and easy, and I thought that I was enjoying being a mom, but my son showed me a different view. I did not notice that I did not have joy. Something had to change.

There was a time when I was known for my smile. There was a time when laughing was easy for me. I don’t know for sure if I can tell you exactly when that stopped, but I have an idea. It started before motherhood. Moving away from friends and a place that I love is when I lost my joy if I had to guess. Coming back to the area I grew up but feeling like a foreigner probably did not help. Not feeling connected or community could have amplified the feeling of boredom and helplessness.

So what helped?

  • Exercise. I don’t have an awesome body, but my mood is a whole lot better. It really does help the mind.
  • Baking. I do not like winter and when you are stuck in the house, well, I had to do something. Cooking (which is a necessity) and baking is something we can do together. Now, nothing fancy, gourmet, or pretty, but somewhat yummy is what we call a success in this house.
  • Work outside of the home. I know that this isn’t popular for a lot of people, but yes, I put my son in daycare at the age of 3. I also put him in pre-school in our public school system. I can honestly say that I enjoy being a radiologic technologist (x-ray tech. NOT TECHNICIANS BUT TECHNOLOGISTS). The way all of the events worked out, well, I can only point to God because not a lot of techs can work part-time. I do not take for granted this gift. Pre-school has been a HUGE benefit to my son and his needs. They have skills that I don’t that help my son learn and succeed. It has been a HUGE benefit to our family.

I am a better mom and we are a better family due to the changes we made. God makes women to do different things. Some work outside the home. Some work from home. For others, home is work. I don’t believe in the Bible anywhere it says that mothers are not allowed to work outside of the home.

What did I learn? That my son is paying attention. It can be hard to believe at times. When it seems like I have to remind him to use good manners repeatedly I wonder if he listens or when the chores seem monotonous and you doubt that your family notices the work you do.

Yeah, kids see the bad, but they also see the good. I now believe that, even if they do not verbalize the good they see.

I am not saying that these things will help you. (Actually, exercise can’t hurt) I just want to challenge you by asking yourself if you have your joy and if not, what can you do to get it back? I hope you don’t have to wait until the kids are older or grown. Yes, you may have to have time away from kiddos, and that can be ok. Maybe God is having you get out of your comfort zone (and it may make your family squirm a little too).

I am grateful that my son and I can be happy and I have joy being a mom. I have a genuine smile when I think about how my son notices my smile.

Be blessed 🙂

 

 

No Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

%d bloggers like this: