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Learning to Fight

06/24/2015 - Author: Jennifer - 1 Comment

This month, Matt and I will be celebrating 13 years of marriage. This is the first year that I have a goal. My goal is to fight correctly with my husband. Yup. Some background.

My husband and I were having an argument that I can’t remember about what. During it, I said that we don’t even want common ground, each of us just want to be right. Then my husband said “let’s fix that.” People, that shut me up. I can’t believe that this man actually wants to do this.

I have to be honest–I don’t know how or what that looks like in my marriage. It is sad. I won’t lie–it has broken me a little (a lot). Our arguments/fights are about proving who is right and no compromise. We don’t try to find even ground.

IMG_20140503_184239In the past, with our misguidance and misrepresentations about submission (that is another post for another time) and leadership in the home, what Matt wanted is what we did. If he thought it was right, we did it. Let me tell you, it is a hard place to be. I don’t have a lot of confidence. I don’t have trust in him (due to other things). I feel low. I know, I know, only I can make myself feel this way, but when you don’t have anyone telling you different and the person you love and vowed to stay married to for better or for worse treats you and your opinions like they don’t matter, well, a huge part of me died. It also doesn’t help when he has people who support him. (I am not kidding).

Sure, my husband is book intelligent, so yeah, he has smarts and knows stuff. Guess what? So do I and I crave for him to acknowledge when I am right or that I am better at some things than he is.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want him to keep opinions to himself or crush his ideas. Sometimes, they are great and helpful. I don’t want my marriage to be a dictatorship. I want there to be equality. There needs to be reconciliation.

How do we fight towards a solution? For us, I think it starts with being open-minded. I also need to believe the best of Matt. I need to choose to believe that he isn’t always being selfish, and that he really wants resolution or what is best.

So that is my goal for this year (and all of the years after). To learn to fight, but not because I think that I am right, but to come to an understanding. For Matt and I to be on the same page and not do battle to prove who is right.

Be blessed 🙂

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Discussion (1 Comment)

  1. by HF
    Reply

    I feel you. Have you ever picked up the book “The Love Dare” ?

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