When I am Angry at God09/13/2015 - Author: Jennifer - 3 Comments
I have this struggle. I have a lot of struggles, but this one seems to make me go in circles and makes me mad at God. A lot. It threatens my belief in Him. It makes me cry and yell(maybe you can call it a tantrum), but I am not understanding. The struggle is believing God and the Bible when I am obedient in prayer. Let me try to explain.
Psalm 5:3 says this–Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.
Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.
Ok–this hit me. I will admit that praying is something that has become a good church girl routine or more like an SOS. So reading this verse makes me realize that I need to change how I pray. I need to pray with expectations. I need to expect that God will answer. So I tried that recently. Guess what? It didn’t work. God did not give us the answer we prayed for. No kidding. I don’t know why. My husband and I prayed for the same thing AND expected God to answer for us in a specific way. I even went as far as having faith bigger than a mustard seed. (or did I)?
Now there are other verses that I am wrestling with God over. ( He will win, I know, but the struggle is real for me here folks. Maybe Hebrews 4:16 applies to me here). Psalm 37:3-7 is making me ask some questions to myself. Am I not happy with what God is doing? Do I have commitment issues?
I have said in the past about a couple of other verses that have made me pause. When I am doing what the Bible says and I believe that I am in His will and the opposite seems to happen, it seems like the exertion of faith was all for nothing. Yet, I still believe that He is bigger and better than I can dream for myself. Maybe there is a collision of faith here.
I know that I need to have more of an open mind and heart to what He is saying to me. So is God confirming my lack of faith because I am not praying expectantly enough or is it really not His will? Am I not doing my part–just sitting back and wanting Him to do it all when He wants me to be moving? Honestly, I don’t know.
I think one of the worst things about this is that I feel that I am sounding like I am entitled. After what Jesus did on Calvary, well, I should be beyond grateful and live for Him. So, I am sorry if that is how this is coming across.
What are your thoughts? Can you help this girl out? Have you been where I am?
Be blessed 🙂
As a side note, it was a small request compared to others, but none the less, my struggle is real.