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Submission in my marriage

07/20/2016 - Author: Jennifer - 6 Comments

Lessons for DeclanI have struggled writing this. Other bloggers have done it better. (I have linked two of my favorite bloggers at the end). I have to say that reading wiser bloggers have caused me to reevaluate what it means to be submissive, and I am grateful for them. I would love to meet them and thank them, but alas, this will have to do. Thank you Sheila and Sarah.

I don’t want to bash Matt. (He is better. We are better). I don’t know that I can fully wrap my head around submission. However, my husband Matt did write about it. I said I would. So here it goes.

What I have learned from smarter, wiser women who love God and live to serve Him:

  • Doesn’t mean he makes all decisions–compromise is to be made. In our early years of marriage, what Matt wanted, Matt got. He wouldn’t think of how it would make me feel or how his decisions or words affected US.
  • Doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion
  • He isn’t smarter than me. 
  • I am not inferior. Yes, he is better at some things than others,  but we help each other in areas that we are better, not hurt each other or put each other down. 
  • I don’t have to feel guilty and it is not a sin to have opinions and even be right and my husband be wrong. 

What we did was emotional abusive and has fractured trust. I definitely do not believe that this was showing the love of Jesus to each other and the world. I still struggle and scratch my head at what we were led to believe. Growing up, nobody talked about husbands dying, but wives submit. I am not kidding. Nobody ever talked about Ephesians 5:25-32. Why didn’t the church say that women have value or worth other than to work the nursery? My husband’s actions were encouraged. I just don’t get it. I do not want my son to ever see this. I want him to value the roles that men and women have in church and the world. I want him to respect both genders equally.

The old ways of living out our intrepretation of submission has caused dreams to be crushed and caused low self-esteem.  I am sad to say that there wasn’t anyone until recently who tried to straighten this mess out. What I mean is that there was never any teaching or preaching against what Matt was doing and how we were living our marriage. Nobody seemed to be in a big hurry to correct how we interpreted it.

Since we have gone through marriage counseling, our marriage is healthier now that we are trying to value each others opinions.

What does submission look like in our marriage now? Since we have started the rebuilding of our marriage and I have gained insight from wise women, I believe that submission means helping each other out–be a team for the better of our marriage. It is believing that wives have a voice that husbands should respect (and dare I say adore and appreciate)? It means serving God together with our own talents and gifts. It means listening. It means compromise.

My husband Matt is way better and we have a healthier partnership. I am grateful.

So can I ask you a couple of questions? What does submission look like in your marriage? Were you raised with the word submission, and if so, what were you taught? I really want to hear your thoughts.


Be blessed 🙂


In which I disagree with Candace Cameron Bure about “biblical marriage”

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Discussion (6 Comments)

  1. Love this! You’re right, you absolutely get an opinion and are not inferior. I didn’t hear about submission until I was an adult and it was always in a negative context. To me, submission means that we’re both submitting to God. I’m showing God that I love Him and respect his plan by submitting to Tad and letting him lead me to God. I don’t do it out of obligation, but because I love and respect God and my husband. Truly I think men have a more difficult role to protect us, be our spiritual leader, and encourage us to draw nearer to God and be an example of Christ’s love by the way they love us. And if I’m being totally honest, I NEVER thought I’d say this, but it’s kind of nice not to be in control all of the time. It’s ok to let Tad have the final say sometimes because I trust he’ll make the best decision for us because protecting and loving and serving his family is most important to him. It’s not about control, but reverence.

    • by Jennifer

      It’s not about control, but reverence–love that!!!! Thank you so much for stopping by and posting. I really do appreciate you girl. Prayed for you and your family.

  2. I struggled with this as well. I always believed it was negative and that as I woman, I needed to fend for myself. Now after being married for almost 17 years and having big struggles, I know submission doesn’t mean this. Marriage is a partnership and my husband is to treat me like Christ treated the church. He is to support me, respect me and love me and I am to do the same for him. We don’t talk sweat the small stuff but the big things we talk over. We are still learning. Thank you for your honesty and transparency!

    • by Jennifer

      OK–I am glad that I am not the only one who believed it to be negative! Thank you for stopping by. Prayers sent for your marriage.

  3. Sounds like someone is about to move their marriage to the next level. Glad to hear it. Keep moving forward.

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