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Submission in my marriage

07/20/2016 - Author: Jennifer

Lessons for DeclanI have struggled writing this. Other bloggers have done it better. (I have linked two of my favorite bloggers at the end). I have to say that reading wiser bloggers have caused me to reevaluate what it means to be submissive, and I am grateful for them. I would love to meet them and thank them, but alas, this will have to do. Thank you Sheila and Sarah.

I don’t want to bash Matt. (He is better. We are better). I don’t know that I can fully wrap my head around submission. However, my husband Matt did write about it. I said I would. So here it goes.

What I have learned from smarter, wiser women who love God and live to serve Him:

  • Doesn’t mean he makes all decisions–compromise is to be made. In our early years of marriage, what Matt wanted, Matt got. He wouldn’t think of how it would make me feel or how his decisions or words affected US.
  • Doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion
  • He isn’t smarter than me. 
  • I am not inferior. Yes, he is better at some things than others,  but we help each other in areas that we are better, not hurt each other or put each other down. 
  • I don’t have to feel guilty and it is not a sin to have opinions and even be right and my husband be wrong. 

What we did was emotional abusive and has fractured trust. I definitely do not believe that this was showing the love of Jesus to each other and the world. I still struggle and scratch my head at what we were led to believe. Growing up, nobody talked about husbands dying, but wives submit. I am not kidding. Nobody ever talked about Ephesians 5:25-32. Why didn’t the church say that women have value or worth other than to work the nursery? My husband’s actions were encouraged. I just don’t get it. I do not want my son to ever see this. I want him to value the roles that men and women have in church and the world. I want him to respect both genders equally.

The old ways of living out our intrepretation of submission has caused dreams to be crushed and caused low self-esteem.  I am sad to say that there wasn’t anyone until recently who tried to straighten this mess out. What I mean is that there was never any teaching or preaching against what Matt was doing and how we were living our marriage. Nobody seemed to be in a big hurry to correct how we interpreted it.

Since we have gone through marriage counseling, our marriage is healthier now that we are trying to value each others opinions.

What does submission look like in our marriage now? Since we have started the rebuilding of our marriage and I have gained insight from wise women, I believe that submission means helping each other out–be a team for the better of our marriage. It is believing that wives have a voice that husbands should respect (and dare I say adore and appreciate)? It means serving God together with our own talents and gifts. It means listening. It means compromise.

My husband Matt is way better and we have a healthier partnership. I am grateful.

So can I ask you a couple of questions? What does submission look like in your marriage? Were you raised with the word submission, and if so, what were you taught? I really want to hear your thoughts.

 

Be blessed 🙂

 

In which I disagree with Candace Cameron Bure about “biblical marriage”

http://tolovehonorandvacuum.com

6 Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

When I am Angry at God

09/13/2015 - Author: Jennifer

When I am Angry at GodI have this struggle. I have a lot of struggles, but this one seems to make me go in circles and makes me mad at God. A lot. It threatens my belief in Him. It makes me cry and yell(maybe you can call it a tantrum), but I am not understanding. The struggle is believing God and the Bible when I am obedient in prayer. Let me try to explain.

Psalm 5:3 says this–Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.
    Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly.

Ok–this hit me. I will admit that praying is something that has become a good church girl routine or more like an SOS. So reading this verse makes me realize that I need to change how I pray. I need to pray with expectations. I need to expect that God will answer. So I tried that recently. Guess what? It didn’t work. God did not give us the answer we prayed for.  No kidding. I don’t know why. My husband and I prayed for the same thing AND expected God to answer for us in a specific way. I even went as far as having faith bigger than a mustard seed. (or did I)?

Now there are other verses that I am wrestling with God over. ( He will win, I know, but the struggle is real for me here folks. Maybe Hebrews 4:16 applies to me here). Psalm 37:3-7 is making me ask some questions to myself. Am I not happy with what God is doing? Do I have commitment issues?

I have said in the past about a couple of other verses that have made me pause. When I am doing what the Bible says and I believe that I am in His will and the opposite seems to happen, it seems like the exertion of faith was all for nothing. Yet, I still believe that He is bigger and better than I can dream for myself. Maybe there is a collision of faith here.

I know that I need to have more of an open mind and heart to what He is saying to me. So is God confirming my lack of faith because I am not praying expectantly enough or is it really not His will? Am I not doing my part–just sitting back and wanting Him to do it all when He wants me to be moving? Honestly, I don’t know.

I think one of the worst things about this is that I feel that I am sounding like I am entitled. After what Jesus did on Calvary, well, I should be beyond grateful and live for Him. So, I am sorry if that is how this is coming across.

What are your thoughts? Can you help this girl out? Have you been where I am?

Be blessed 🙂

As a side note, it was a small request compared to others, but none the less, my struggle is real.

3 Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

The V Word

09/04/2014 - Author: Jennifer

The V Word

 

I recently read an article where the writer had talked about her regrets over not having sex before she was married. Not only did she have regrets, but she had guilt on her honeymoon. As I was reading it, I felt sad for her, and there were a couple of other things that stood out to me.

She said she lost her virginity when she got married. I was a virgin when I got married, but I didn’t lose my virginity–I gave it to my husband. I considered it a gift to him. I can honestly say that I feel that Matt’s virginity is the best gift he gave me. He saved it for me, and I for him. What an honor. When you lose something, you want it back. You can say I surrendered my virginity on my honeymoon.

She had guilt. Ok, this one I could almost relate to. If I didn’t have a friend to talk to before I was married, I would probably have felt guilty also.  I can understand that churches will put the fear of God in you with the purity pledges and whatever else they scare you with. I don’t think churches emphasize emotional bonding that comes with sex–that you leave a piece of yourself with every sexual partner. I felt sad for the writer because instead of having one of the most amazing, once-in-a-lifetime bonding experiences with her husband, instead she felt only guilt about losing her virginity.

I was raised in church and I feel like I was given the myth that you will have a perfect marriage if you both are virgins. If you don’t have sex until you are married, then you will have an amazing marriage. Yes, my husband and I were both virgins when we married. Does that mean we didn’t have issues? No. Does that mean we had the best sex ever on our honeymoon? Well, I guess, but only because we didn’t have sex before. What am I most grateful for? That my performance isn’t compared to anyone else. It is hard enough to deal with my husband’s porn addiction and all that comes with it. I am so glad I don’t have a real experience to compete with.

She said she would of had sex when her husband was her boyfriend, if she could do it all over again. I would be surprised if she didn’t have guilt then. Her source of guilt is not being a virgin until she was married. She felt guilty because she was caught up in the rules of the church. Being a virgin when you get married is not your ticket to heaven and not being a virgin when you are married does not send you to hell. Not having a RELATIONSHIP with Jesus sends you to hell.

I don’t known if churches today talk about sex or not. I do know that sex does not seem to be not a big deal in church today. What do I mean by that? A lot of people in the church are having casual sex. I don’t get it. How.do.you.have.casual.sex? How do you treat sex like it is no big deal instead of a gift? This makes me sad.

I have no regrets about saving my virginity for my husband. I don’t think that makes me a better Jesus follower. In the end, being a virgin when you get married has benefits, but it should not become an idol.

Anyway, just some of my thoughts from an article.

Be blessed:)

 

6 Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

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