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Learning to Fight

06/24/2015 - Author: Jennifer

This month, Matt and I will be celebrating 13 years of marriage. This is the first year that I have a goal. My goal is to fight correctly with my husband. Yup. Some background.

My husband and I were having an argument that I can’t remember about what. During it, I said that we don’t even want common ground, each of us just want to be right. Then my husband said “let’s fix that.” People, that shut me up. I can’t believe that this man actually wants to do this.

I have to be honest–I don’t know how or what that looks like in my marriage. It is sad. I won’t lie–it has broken me a little (a lot). Our arguments/fights are about proving who is right and no compromise. We don’t try to find even ground.

IMG_20140503_184239In the past, with our misguidance and misrepresentations about submission (that is another post for another time) and leadership in the home, what Matt wanted is what we did. If he thought it was right, we did it. Let me tell you, it is a hard place to be. I don’t have a lot of confidence. I don’t have trust in him (due to other things). I feel low. I know, I know, only I can make myself feel this way, but when you don’t have anyone telling you different and the person you love and vowed to stay married to for better or for worse treats you and your opinions like they don’t matter, well, a huge part of me died. It also doesn’t help when he has people who support him. (I am not kidding).

Sure, my husband is book intelligent, so yeah, he has smarts and knows stuff. Guess what? So do I and I crave for him to acknowledge when I am right or that I am better at some things than he is.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want him to keep opinions to himself or crush his ideas. Sometimes, they are great and helpful. I don’t want my marriage to be a dictatorship. I want there to be equality. There needs to be reconciliation.

How do we fight towards a solution? For us, I think it starts with being open-minded. I also need to believe the best of Matt. I need to choose to believe that he isn’t always being selfish, and that he really wants resolution or what is best.

So that is my goal for this year (and all of the years after). To learn to fight, but not because I think that I am right, but to come to an understanding. For Matt and I to be on the same page and not do battle to prove who is right.

Be blessed 🙂

1 Comment - Categories: Uncategorized

After the Conference, during the Devotionals

08/05/2013 - Author: Jennifer

For many years, I thought that you only attended a marriage conference, read marriage books, etc. when your marriage was in trouble. Then, I thought that if you read the books and put into practice what you read, that you wouldn’t have those same issues. Your marriage would be stronger. I never thought that you cold do those things when marriage was good. Attending and doing those things were a sign that your marriage was bad. A bad sign.

I didn’t know that you could attend/do those things when things were good and to help your marriage. I didn’t know books and conferences could maybe help prevent bad or even worsening things to happen in your marriage. I never saw them as a way to protect my marriage. I certainly did not know times would get harder. I thought you only fought when you disagreed what was being said, not an attack from the enemy.

Well, I am learning that conferences can help a good or bad marriage and that times will get hard if effort is being put forth. Not just because change is hard, but because Satan doesn’t like strong marriages, especially when a husband and wife work as a team by seeking God and studying His Word together.

So, I caution you—your marriage may get harder and you may fight more., but please DO NOT LET SATAN WIN. Fight the good fight.

As a side note, I don’t believe this applies only to marriages. I believe this can happen in your workplace, parenting, etc. My marriage is just one area that I am fighting for.

Be blessed:)

3 Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

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