Menu

Categories

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 30 other subscribers

Blogs I Recommend

Where Else You Can Find Me

  • Unveiled Wife Contributor

© 2012 Purple Buoy - All rights reserved.

Firstyme WordPress Theme.
Designed by Charlie Asemota.

My Son Noticed This

06/04/2015 - Author: Jennifer

IMG_20150522_084738Yesterday, I made a smile face with my blueberries on my waffle. My 4 year old said a smile like you mommy. That comment made me smile. I was elated. I never could have imagined that this would be a conversation me and my son would have.

When my son was an infant, I did not laugh a lot. I did not realize this until one day my laugh scared him. I was watching something funny and I laughed out loud. My poor son (around 6 months old) reacted by having a scared look on his face and even jumped a little. My laugh was a foreign sound to him. It made me sad. I knew that motherhood wasn’t always going to be fun and easy, and I thought that I was enjoying being a mom, but my son showed me a different view. I did not notice that I did not have joy. Something had to change.

There was a time when I was known for my smile. There was a time when laughing was easy for me. I don’t know for sure if I can tell you exactly when that stopped, but I have an idea. It started before motherhood. Moving away from friends and a place that I love is when I lost my joy if I had to guess. Coming back to the area I grew up but feeling like a foreigner probably did not help. Not feeling connected or community could have amplified the feeling of boredom and helplessness.

So what helped?

  • Exercise. I don’t have an awesome body, but my mood is a whole lot better. It really does help the mind.
  • Baking. I do not like winter and when you are stuck in the house, well, I had to do something. Cooking (which is a necessity) and baking is something we can do together. Now, nothing fancy, gourmet, or pretty, but somewhat yummy is what we call a success in this house.
  • Work outside of the home. I know that this isn’t popular for a lot of people, but yes, I put my son in daycare at the age of 3. I also put him in pre-school in our public school system. I can honestly say that I enjoy being a radiologic technologist (x-ray tech. NOT TECHNICIANS BUT TECHNOLOGISTS). The way all of the events worked out, well, I can only point to God because not a lot of techs can work part-time. I do not take for granted this gift. Pre-school has been a HUGE benefit to my son and his needs. They have skills that I don’t that help my son learn and succeed. It has been a HUGE benefit to our family.

I am a better mom and we are a better family due to the changes we made. God makes women to do different things. Some work outside the home. Some work from home. For others, home is work. I don’t believe in the Bible anywhere it says that mothers are not allowed to work outside of the home.

What did I learn? That my son is paying attention. It can be hard to believe at times. When it seems like I have to remind him to use good manners repeatedly I wonder if he listens or when the chores seem monotonous and you doubt that your family notices the work you do.

Yeah, kids see the bad, but they also see the good. I now believe that, even if they do not verbalize the good they see.

I am not saying that these things will help you. (Actually, exercise can’t hurt) I just want to challenge you by asking yourself if you have your joy and if not, what can you do to get it back? I hope you don’t have to wait until the kids are older or grown. Yes, you may have to have time away from kiddos, and that can be ok. Maybe God is having you get out of your comfort zone (and it may make your family squirm a little too).

I am grateful that my son and I can be happy and I have joy being a mom. I have a genuine smile when I think about how my son notices my smile.

Be blessed 🙂

 

 

No Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

One Day Mama….

01/21/2015 - Author: Jennifer

IMG_3010 2

 

I have been working part-time outside of the home for over a year now. I have to say, it has been great for our family. We have benefited greatly from this. I did gain a lot more of something since working -perspective- and I needed it.

Motherhood is messy. Being a boymom is messy. (I am not saying that having girls do not come with messes, but I can only speak as a boymom. Girl moms, I applaud you for your survival skills and keeping your sanity).  I embrace the mess. I really do try. Yes, there comes a time when I just can’t stand it anymore and we need to clean, but I try not to exasperate me. I try not to get frustrated when I am asked to do something again or when my son asks for my help. Why? One day, the mess will be cleaned up. One day, the questions for help will stop coming (or not come as frequently). Our conversations are going to change through the years and get harder. One day, if he meets “the girl”, I will be replaced.

The super-hero pajama’s will be no more. He will not need to be rocked to sleep anymore. Baking will go quicker because there will be less mess to clean and nobody to help you or teach so you won’t be slowed down. Just breath and try to take mental pictures. Laugh when icing gets on you and flour is all over his shirt.

The legos will no longer be stepped on and nobody will scare you with snake noises. The towers that are being built just to be torn down will no longer be. Nobody will try to gross me out or scare me (because the more disgusting and the scarier mommy thinks it is, the better). That season will come to an end sooner than I want, so I am trying to live it as much as I can with as much enjoyment as I can. My schedule will no longer be broken up by school and other activities. I will one day have a little more free time, but I will need to know what to do with it.

Karen Kingsbury has the best book on this perspective called Let Me Hold You Longer. I encourage you to read it.

I am not saying that we shouldn’t teach our kids responsibilities. They need to function without us. I am also not saying to make your kids the center of your world and life existance.  I am saying (and I say this to myself) to breath, be patient, and try to find the good in it all. Let’s have more fun with this awesome privilege we call motherhood. One day mama, it will be gone.

Be blessed 🙂

No Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

My 4 year old asked me what temptation is

11/03/2014 - Author: Jennifer

Question Marks

This past Saturday, my son was helping me make dinner. I love having him in the kitchen with me. I was shredding cheese for homemade macaroni and cheese. He was supervising and making sure the cheese tasted good by eating it before it could be put in the sauce. (I should tell you my son LOVES cheese). After eating more than he should, I told him to please stop and save some for dinner. He could not or would not do it, I really do not know. So I did what any good mom would do–I helped him out by removing the temptation from him. I told him “here, let me remove the temptation from you”. I could not have predicted what happened next.

My 4 year old son asked me what temptation is. This.is.huge! First, we are learning how to form conversations and he did it right. Second, I was challenged.  I tried to define it. (I honestly do not remember what I said). I didn’t pause. It almost felt natural to talk about this. (Divine intervention). God, please let me get this right.

My husband and I are trying to raise our son to want to follow God. I feel like a failure everyday. I am not making Jesus look good with how I live sometimes and I often wonder if my son will be turned off with a relationship with Jesus because of how I lived and what he saw. I have on more that one occasion asked God to fill in the gaps of my failures where my son is concerned.

The next day, I was talking to my husband about faith and wondered if our son will understand. I said I hope he gets his faith, not ours. Not mine. Not my husband’s. You see, my husband and I had piggy-backed on our parents faith for too long. We didn’t search out the Bible enough, we just did what was taught as we were growing up. I feel like I am recently coming into my own faith–meaning I am looking only to Jesus, not what my parents believe or how I was raised in Church to believe.

As parents, we have a responsibility to raise our kids and have God be our guide (Ephesians 6:4), but I can’t force my faith upon my son. I pray that he does believe and accept Christ as His Savior and strive to live for Him. But, I want my son to do it for himself, not for me or his father. Not that I mind if God wants to use me to help show our son the way. What an honor!

What about you? How did you come to know Jesus? Who challenges you to be a better follower and witness for our Savior?

 

Be blessed 🙂

No Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

Working Mom Blues

06/03/2014 - Author: Jennifer

Working Mother Blues

I am feeling like a failure at being a mom. I really am having a hard time seeing and believing why God chose me to be my son’s mom. Someone else is better equipped to do this. I even have a list in how I have failed my son

  • Not being responsible with money in the past has now impacted what he can and can not do now
  • I have fear and anxiety that he will get sick (again) in a restaurant so we don’t go out
  • He isn’t potty trained. Yes, being special needs this will take longer, but really?!
  • I don’t understand him. Due to his lack of comprehension and emotional understanding, we both get frustrated
  • I lose my temper
  • I am not creative or crafty
  • My husband and I don’t get along at times
  • I want to go to work. I like working outside of the home. I think it makes me a better mom.
  • My son doesn’t want to be with me. They say boys love their moms, but I am not living that reality. He would rather be with my husband.
  • He has learned more since starting public pre-school and daycare. He is thriving. He is doing better since being away from me. I couldn’t teach him

I love my son. Really I do. I hope he believes me when I tell him I do. I do have to wonder if I did anything right. All I can do is pray for healing and have hope. But I feel that this is a hopeless situation. I am struggling with my faith–is God really going to conquer this for us, or is this punishment for my sins? I feel like I have 3 strikes against me as an American Christian woman

  1. I work outside of the home
  2. I put my son in daycare
  3. I put my son in public school

When I talk to other moms and I tell them that I work because I want to, I just feel like there is judgement in the awkward moment after I speak my truth. I think they also feel sorry for me when I tell them that I just couldn’t stay home full-time anymore. He needed to be in an environment to help him with his special needs. That environment is public school. (and it is awesome)!

There is more than one way to parent. I need to do what God wants me to do, and not listen to naysayers–including me.

Be blessed 🙂

No Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

Why Get Dressed

04/08/2014 - Author: Jennifer

Why Get Dressed

When I became a mom and chose to stay home, I made a decision–I was going to get dressed.

Before I had my son, I would notice a lot of moms say they don’t care, don’t have time, wasn’t worth it when you don’t go anywhere (ummm….I see you out of the house) anywho… or they wear what is comfortable. What I saw was sad looking. They looked depressed. They looked sad when they say that being a mom is a good thing and are happy with where they are in life.  They looked tired (and probably are).

I personally do not believe in having “good yoga pants” or whatever. I also believe that if you wear clothes that are meant to work out in, then exercise. If you have clothes for lounging in, then please, lounge at home. Let’s make being a wife look appealing. Let’s make motherhood look fabulous, not depressing, dowdy, sad, or frumpy. I am not saying spend a lot of money or time, just a little effort.

Why I think that getting dressed is important:

  • I feel better. It helps my mood
  • I want to be an example for girls and my son–that being a wife and mom does not mean you have to “let yourself go”
  • I like looking good for my husband. Wearing pants that button and zip can communicate I love you, you are important, and you are worth some time
  • I.am.worth.it.
  • I don’t think it is sinful. Let me expand on that. Yes, I know that we shouldn’t judge how people look on the outside. No, we shouldn’t make fashion or make-up,etc an idol. We HAVE to wear clothes and I am not saying go in debt, but please, putting in effort should not be considered sinful.
  • Your husband appreciates it. You put effort when you were dating, so don’t stop.
  • Fashion can be an expression of who you are and what you like.
  • Remember who you were before kids. Before becoming a wife. Don’t forget who your husband fell in love with.

There will be times when you oversleep, kids get sick on you, etc. but can we please make that the exception and not the rule? Looking back, I appreciate my home-schooling mom who did get dressed everyday and I don’t remember her going out in pants that had elastic waistbands. Thank you mom!

Now, maybe because I live in a college town, but I have to get this out there. Husbands–if you are willing to spend over $50 on a sweatshirt to show what team you support, then please, be willing to spend a little on a shirt or jacket to wear when you go out with your wife.

I know that it can seem exhausting or seem useless sometimes, but maybe having a different attitude can help. You are worth it. Your husband is worth it. Your kids are worth it.

Be blessed 🙂

 

2 Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

The Guilt Has Started

10/13/2013 - Author: Jennifer

The Guilt Has StartedMy son is growing up. I noticed that his pajamas are too small. Time for another shopping trip. I know this is the way it is supposed to be. I celebrate his milestones.

Tomorrow will be his first day of pre-school. I know this is a good thing. There has been a lot of paperwork and evaluations leading up to this. It has been emotionally exhausting. It has been a long road getting here.

I think he knows. He doesn’t say anything. It is hard to gauge what he is feeling or thinking. That happens when you have a child with special needs and delay. I do not know when he is nervous. I do not know when he is excited. I do not know when he is anticipatory. This scares me. I feel a range of emotions. One of them is guilt.

I started a new job. I am excited, but struggle with mommy guilt. My son started going to daycare. I did not drop him off or pick him up that day. I was at my new job. I feel guilt. I will have the pleasure of dropping him off on his first day, but I will not be able to pick him up. I will be training at my new job. I am crying because of the guilt I feel. I also cry over the time I will not have with him. I am mourning over not enjoying my time at home with him more. I have prayed for forgiveness for my lack of appreciation for what I had.

When my son goes on his first field trip, I will not be able to go. Will he be the only one without his mom or dad who does not go? This is hurting me more than I ever thought it would. Does my son know that even if I can’t be there that I still love him? What does my son know? What does my son feel? Again, developmentally delayed and special needs hinders me from knowing.

These next couple of weeks will have my family in upheaval as we move into our new normal. The guilt I feel is heavy, even though my son and husband are adaptable. Honestly, this could not be done without my husband.

Yes, I know I have only 1 child. Yes, those of you with more kids have more chaos than me. Can I ask a favor? Please do not downplay how hard this is for me. He is my only child here on earth. I don’t get a “practice run” if you will. This is stressful. This is a happy time and a sad time for me. Please respect that.

So, I have guilt. I have excitement. I have gratefulness. I am in awe at how God has orchestrated this job. I know that my family is in His will. I do wonder if I will be a better mom because I have started working outside of the home. Is that wrong?

I will not let Satan take me down with guilt. You can help. Prayers and advice appreciated. I need all the strength and peace I can get.

Be blessed:)

6 Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

Sorry + Forgiveness

09/19/2013 - Author: Jennifer

Sorry ForgiveMy son is 3 and I am trying to teach him manners and responsibility and you know, stuff about life. He has a learning disability and doesn’t comprehend well. When it comes to teaching him conversations, he often repeats everything because he doesn’t understand how conversations work. You know, someone talks and you respond to what they say.

One of the things I want to instill in him is apologizing and forgiveness. When he disobeys, I have him say “sorry” and then I respond by saying “I forgive you”. Recently, he had to apologize. When I prompted him by asking what do you say, he said “sorry”. Then he said “I forgive you”. He is confused, but it did make me pause. To him, it is a complete thought. For my sweet 3 year old, you can’t have one without the other. There are no conditions. He isn’t aware that we have twisted forgiveness. To him, forgiveness is immediate. 

Another lesson taught to me by my 3 year old. Forgive without conditions.

Be blessed:)

 

No Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

Present

07/12/2013 - Author: Jennifer

Every Friday, Lisa-Jo Baker  gives us a word and a challenge. To write for 5 minutes without abandon. It is fun and I encourage you to try it. Here we go! The word is…

Present

         Present FMF

There are so many times that I wish I was somewhere else, somebody else, or with someone else. I whine. I complain. I do not appreciate the good things that I have. It doesn’t even have to be when times are bad or when times are hard. I get bored. I get discouraged. Instead of being present, I wish for more.

There are so many times that I am not present. The times when being a mom doesn’t seem enough. To just sit and be present with my son is so hard. Is this really important? To just be? Is my presence really that important to him? What message am I sending to him when I don’t sit with him during snack time? He doesn’t converse~~ so why bother? Is my presence important to him like conversation is important to me?

What about when my husband wants to sit and watch a movie? It is almost impossible for me to do so without having my laptop or phone with me to get me through the slow times of a movie. If he did that, I would be upset. I would feel like being present with me wasn’t enough.

I need to be fully present so my family knows I appreciate them. To let them know I love them. Being present can really convey a message, right? What do you think?

Be blessed:)

Five Minute Friday

9 Comments - Categories: Uncategorized

%d bloggers like this: